I lost many things that I don’t know what to hold anymore.

I lost friends, ’cause I knew they aren’t real. I veer off them every time they insist they don’t understand me. I just want to be understood.

I lost my identity, ’cause I need money to maintain it, and I still have to finish college to earn money.

I also lost my identity ’cause my similarly weird friends and I are living in the opposite sides of the world and I can’t get close to them as of the moment.

I lost happiness ’cause you are my happiness, and you broke my heart.

I lost my creativity ’cause I’ve just been swaying with the wind. Every day, I do this routine of complying college’s requirements and it bores me to death.

I’m still joyful, optimistic, and hopeful, but you know, there’s this big empty space in my heart. We shouldn’t mistake this as a manifestation of depression and loneliness; it only implies that my heart’s waiting for someone or something to fill it.

And I know for sure that whatever or whoever fills it, just like everything I’ve ever known, will eventually go away.



Art is a way of life.

Art is more than performing, entertaining, showing off skills and techniques you rehearsed for years, and educating.
Art is a way of life. br> It doesn’t just teach people values; it guides them to the path of mundane daily routines we grow out off or we barely notice. This is why artworks ideally have texture, layer, depth, substance, and anything in between.
Therefore, art is not about displaying the extraordinary, green and nude.
A penis being projected in a gallery isn’t necessrily considered a substantially great artwork just because it’s taboo.
Meanwhile, a toilet bowl enclosed with glass which was declared by an established artist as art is high art. (Like the artwork titled ‘The Urinal’) It is so because of the meaning, depth and issue it depicts, embodies and addresses. (Artists can distinguish which “artworks” have depth and are qualified as a work of art)
For all these reasons, high art are usually incomprehensible and unabsorbable. It can have several meanings, as interpretation is left to its spectators. It’s also because artists are torn between the desire to hide and communicate.
Nevertheless, art has been a tool to effect revolutionary change, especially during Martial Law in the Philippines’ Marcos’ regime and during the French revolution.
(The great plebeian, Andres Bonifacio was once a theater actor)
I attribute these inputs to my Art Studies professor, Donna Miranda.


Marcel Duchamp’s Urinal

Good catch?

You teased me with a cheese as a bait as if I’m a mice in dire need of food.
I followed your steps, assuming to get the cheese at the end of the sojourn.
I followed you, and I fell in love with the process of finding meaning to your actions.
I followed you, and I enjoyed it.
I followed you, and I keep on denying the fact that we are off to nowhere, that you’ve been playing with my immediate reactions, with my feelings.
I followed you because you seem like a good catch.
I followed you.
I followed you, until I got tired.
I followed you because I know it’s what makes me human,
But I got tired because I’m just human.
I got tired of waiting in vain, of assuming and of constantly coming up with what ifs and maybes.
I followed you and eventually got tired of you,
but don’t ever think I fell head over heels for you.
I did not.

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Unveiling Cebuano Culture during American Period and Today Thru Cebuano Publications



Cebuano newspaper during the American occupation (Source: allaboutargao.wikispaces.com)

The Philippines was colonized by Spaniards through spiritual devotion and by Americans through education in order to attain ‘economic supremacy’. To write and to speak are the best things the Filipino nationalists thought of doing in order to resist and react to the Spaniards and Americans. The emancipation fervor of young Cebuano writers from the political and cultural influences of the Spaniards was the mark of Cebu press during the American colonization in the Philippines. Most of the writers that contribute to Cebu’s publications were among the youth. Back then, they didn’t develop a distinction between creative writing and journalism. This is evident in the style of writing they use. Regardless of this fact, they were much nationalistic that they wrote articles using their vernacular and standardized the spelling of their dialect’s words to distinguish it from the Spaniards’. Also, they deliberately avoided the use of English language.

The content of the publications in Cebu were mostly about politics, education, infrastructure-building, and economy. The writings in the publications ranged from news articles to poetry. By reading their newspapers, one would come to know the culture that Cebuanos had during American occupation that could be comparable or contrastable to what they have today. The difference between the layout and the style of writing the Cebuanos used during the said period and today, could explain the progress of the press in Cebu.

In one of Cebu’s publications, Bag-ong Kusog, a political news was published on January 16, 1925. In the article, it was stated that the members of the Nacionalista party derogated and bashed each other, as they didn’t agree as to whether what position their members would run for. In addition, they also thrust those who don’t belong to their party like Momoy Sotto, who could be a threat to their colleagues’ chances of winning. Just like the politicians today, the politicians back then also took the acquisition of power as a big deal, that they do everything they could just to win, without having their self-images messed up. However, the press back then revealed to the readers the personal objectives and tactics of the politicians, breaking off their facade. On the other hand, the press nowadays keeps the politicians to be perceived with a sense of diplomacy.

A news article of a publication in Cebu purported that the advancement of education in the form of building schools was the least of the government’s concern. The government was more engaged in building infrastructures, so as to improve the economy of the province. It was stated in the news that there were people who protested to have more schools be built than government buildings like the city capitol—a building that was noted to be built in the same period. This view of the government is different from what they have today. Nowadays, the adults have come to stand by Jose Rizal’s statement that the youth is the hope of the nation. As a result, a number of schools were built, and a number of school competitions were organized.

Probably, the reason why the Filipinos nowadays constantly experience inflation, and high demands of taxes, is because even during American period, the Philippines was full of debt. In Bag-ong Kusog’s issue on March 8, 1921, titled ‘Unsa Atong Dagaton?’ it was stated that in a meeting attended by the Filipinos in China, the Philippines lose 15 Million. Unfortunately the reason why and how the Philippines lose that amount of money was not stated. The writers claimed that the government wasted the country’s money or the Filipino nation’s money. Due to this event, the government found the need to borrow money from the World Bank.

Cebuano writers didn’t acknowledge the nuances in the ethics of journalism during the American period. Sometimes, they intend to write a news article, but they end up writing an editorial. They were not objective in their approach in writing, as they include their own opinions in a news article. In terms of the layout of their publications, articles and literary pieces were not sorted. News articles, commentaries, letters, poems, short stories, and editorials were put in the same page. In addition, the writers were not acknowledged for their works.

Today, Filipinos attained more knowledge. The Cebuano journalists are now critical in following the ethics of journalism. Unlike before, they now observe tactfulness. Also, they learn to claim their outputs as their intellectual property, by writing their names below the title of their article. The readers also can take the acknowledgement of the writers in their work, as an advantage for through this; they could know the credentials of the writer. In addition, the appearance of publications of Cebuanos nowadays has also improved. The articles are now sorted into sections and pages, and the layout of the publications is now creative. While what Cebuano journalists during American period were mainly concerned of was the content of their articles using only letters, they now put photos in the newspapers to give the readers a clearer visual view of the event. Upon knowing better about disseminating information through publications, journalists became more enthusiastic in serving the Filipinos through writing. In this sense, one could say that they stayed nationalistic. However, one aspect of Cebuano journalists’ nationalistic fervor has been slowly declining—their urge to use their vernacular in writing. Only few Cebuano publications use their vernacular.

The English language is what many people consider as the universal language. Due to this, Filipinos tend to become more interested in learning it. Learning this language is sometimes considered by Filipinos as the basis of knowledge. As a result, Filipinos become eager to learn this language. Indeed, it is nice to be good at this language. By being good at this, people across countries could communicate well. However, the drawback of being fond of using this language is that, Filipinos tend to forget their vernacular, that they don’t know the meaning of some of its words. Also, Filipinos become more influenced by the English culture. In the end, Filipino culture would not be totally lost, but it is possible that the English culture would become more apparent in some Filipinos. By that time, it is going to be difficult to distinguish the Filipinos from other nations.









Journalism is Independent

Globe Media Excellence Awards is an annual media awards in Cebu, Iloilo and Bacolod. They conducted a student forum in the University of the Philippines Cebu with the theme, Journalism and the Internet of Things. The speakers of the forum, which were GMEA awardees before, talked about the challenges of a journalist in the digital age, and the role of technology and social media in journalism.

In the first part of the talk, it was pointed out that everything changes, even the way people consume news. It’s a challenge for traditional journalists to adapt to this change. Fortunately, social media give journalists an innovative way to disseminate news to a very wide range.

Although social media can be useful platforms of journalism, it has been a challenge for a journalist to distinguish himself from a j-blogger and a citizen journalist. Nowadays, everyone can share a story to the public. By just posting a tweet, or a blog post, anyone can declare himself as a citizen-journalist. And credible or not, whether they follow journalism ethics and principles or not, public often trust the information provided in the internet. This is probably because these are the only information available to them.

Nevertheless, professional journalists follow journalism ethics and verify their information, so people prefer to believe in their information especially when contradicting information updated on the internet confuses them. Also, reputable news organizations have plunged into the communication trends. Most known sites are online platforms of these news organizations. Also, they managed to create a Facebook, Twitter and Instagram account that gives the public the link to their main website.

Communication trends are inescapable. It’s already there, and we have to expect that after a couple of years, another communication trend will emerge. Wherever and however the wind of media industry may blow, it is certain that traditional news organizations wouldn’t die down. They are even using technology to cover and disseminate stories more widely and comprehensively, while journalism ethics and professionalism remains inviolable. This proves the saying, “journalism is independent of its media”.

Staring Blankly

Eyes ready to fall
The fans are humming for all
For all who wants to jam
For all who still dream even if chances seem to be hiding
For all who desires to love and to be loved.
For all who linger in the pain
For all who sleeps through loneliness
For all who enjoys making up sweet supple conversations in their head
For all who toils to survive.
But maybe not for me.
I’m staring blankly at the dusty floor, caressing the thin mattress by my feet.
I’m still searching for something I have yet to discover
For something no words nor anything palpable could explain.
I’m searching for something that can be felt
Something that could make my heart melt.

I’m waiting for it to come around. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Oh I thought that’s it.
I’m searching. Still searching.
Help me articulate what would fascinate this inexplicable fickle patient heart.
But please don’t be late.


Can We Have Coffee?

Abi kog nakalimot nako nimo.
Abi kog dawat na nako nga langit ka yuta ko.
Pero sa dihang nakakita ko nimo, gusto tika gakson.
Sa dihang nakabalo ko nga naa kay presentation, gusto tika tan-awon
Sa dihang nagkadako ang itom nga lingin ilalom sa imong mga mata, gusto tika pakatulgon.
Sauna ra ni nako gitago ang akong gibati para nimo.
Sugod atong nakurat ko kabalo ka sa ngalan nako.
Nitigulang nalang ko sa paghigugma nimo
Pero murag dili tika matungkad
Miskan gwapo ka ug
Gwapa sad ko.
Kabalo ko nga busy ka.
Kabalo ko nga isa rako sa mga tao nga para nimo estranghero.
Kana, dawat nako.
Pero pwede ba tika ma-amigo?
I thought I was over you.
I thought I accept you’re living in heaven, I’m in earth.
But when I saw you, I wanted to hug you.
When I saw your eyebags getting bigger, I wanted to let you have a good night sleep.
I was hiding this feeling for so long.
Right after I knew you remember my name.
I grew older in incessantly loving you.
But it seems like you’re out of my reach
Although you look good
And I do look good too.
I know you are so busy.
I know I’m one of the people you consider as strangers.
But I have one plea,
Can we have coffee?

Here’s to what this blog is about ;)

Managing to walk healthy, goofy and perky on sharp branches everyday
The leaf stays independent and strong
It stays shiny and sturdy despite the birds bumping into it.
It keeps on smiling despite the intermittent huge blow of the wind.
It was honed to be talented, bright and well-mannered.

But it doesn’t have it all as it seems.
Just like anyone else, it covets for something it can’t explain.
Maybe something imperceptible.
It enjoyed all the scenes it used to come up with in its tiny instinct.
But it doesn’t like imaginary. It wants something real, and genuine, and incessant.
Something worth keeping and treasuring.

It’s the fear of getting hurt, of regrets and of loneliness that keeps it indecisive, image-conscious and incapable of unleashing the wishes and dreams that are in it.

But now, it’s tired of thinking how to fit in.
It’s tired of overthinking about how others see and react to its mundane actions.
It’s tired of having stage fright.
It’s tired of being unvocal.
It’s tired of fearing failure and rejection.
It’s tired of the people who keep on saying it has to stay strong and courageous because it’s the character inherent to it.
Staying strong is what keeps it going, but it doesn’t change anything; it isn’t like its dreams would turn to reality if it stays strong.
Even staying awake the whole night wouldn’t change a thing.
“People see me different from how I perceive myself”, it says.

It just wants to live and cherish every moment, believing everything works for good.

Yes I’m that leaf.
The poem describes how I see myself in my journey in this overwhelming real world. The words expressed and used in the poem are much personal to me; it’s what came out of my mind when I keep on staring at the ceiling.
Maybe some of you can relate to the poem once in their life, maybe some can’t. That’s something I’m not certain about, but I’m convinced with the saying, “the more personal, the more universal”.
Given that, this blog will be filled with my late night thoughts about arts, theater, politics, and community molding; among which interest me. Posts about theater and arts here show how inclined I am to the said fields and how open I am to opportunities of acting in a production. Read my About page for more details ;))
Other than that, I post deeply heart-felt midnight contemplation which I express through poetry and to which I hope you can relate.
Instead of just keeping my contemplation or midnight emotional thoughts to myself, I decided to post it in public. I want my voice to be heard, and to hear other voices in return. So feel free to comment in any of my post and share your thoughts.
So, to those who are kinda strewsed or tired,
To those who keep their hearts strong,
To those who learn to love themselves
To those who want to look at the brighter side of things,
This blog would let you know that you’re not alone. Be convinced that the more personal a thing is, the more personal it is.
Good night!