I woke up in this world fatherless. I went to parks, to school, to church seeing children clinging to the arms of their mom and dad, while finding myself clinging only to my mom’s. I grew up timid and shy, always locked in a corner, sitting, swaying my legs while staring and observing at people, wondering why people behave in such a way, and why there seems to be something incomplete within me. My mom used to tell her friends that if other parents can’t leave their 1 year old sitting on a chair alone without falling off the chair, she can, ’cause I can stay in one place, observing people and things.
I always thought there’s something wrong with my very existence. I thought its weird that I don’t feel comfortable with a guy around me, and that I’m often silent and shy to express my thoughts. I thought its unusual that I easily get attached to people. I remember when my aunt looked after me the whole day, and I silently cried after seeing her walk away from our house to leave for school. I thought its weird that I have a lot of imaginary friends who pay their whole attention to me. I always wonder why I get teary-eyed every time I watch videos that show a loving father. I always felt different from other kids.
I’ve been feeling that there’s lacking in my being until I encountered God. His love has found me. He told me that I don’t have to be sad about not having an earthly father, ’cause He’s there to be my everlasting father. He told me that there’s nothing wrong with me, ’cause He fearfully and wonderfully made me. He told me that I’ve got nothing to worry about, ’cause He has set my whole life. He promised me that the people around me may leave, but He will never leave me nor forsake me. He assured me that no one may love me, but He loves me unconditionally. And He makes me feel His overflowing love every day. Every time I need His comfort, He rescues me with His comfort. Every time I’m about to burst out of annoyance, He lends me self-control and gentleness. And every time I feel unloved, He fills my heart with His love.
I often fail him, but He never gave up on me. His mercy, love and grace remain. He even led me to where I am now. He allowed me to study in a prestigious school, when I can be out-of-school due to our financial incapacity. I’m now in my fourth year in college, and I’m looking forward to the things God has planned for me and to the places to which He would bring me. My everyday journey isn’t smooth-sailing, but He gave me a boat strong enough to conquer the waves.
I didn’t receive flowers or chocolates on Valentine’s Day, but I receive love in various forms from my great God every month, and every day. Every month, and every day, I celebrate love.